its so messed up now...

now i dont know what I am doing..
dont even know what kind of feeling i'm supposed to have..
sad? that things between us has to be like this?
guilty? that i deserved every bit of it?
deserved every scolding she threw at me?
deserved everything she has said to me?

Feel like an asshole for why i had to ask for people's idea?
that she gave me so much to absorb and
i nearly went crazy trying to find ways to make her feel happy...
trying to make her feel like she is still needed?
trying to make her feel loved again?
trying to make her feel that she still belong?
trying to make her feel that she still have someone that cares so much about her?

i seriously freaking hell dont know at all..
it's a mixed feeling..
not really sad..
not really emoing...
not really feeling guilty..


what do I have to do to get you to listen to me?
$&% man... you don't know what position you put me in..
do u know that when two people get so close..
they share things and become closer...
1 moment we are close and next u wan us to be friends..
but yet, you aren't so willingly to let go..
you still want me to be around but yet you dont want people to know about it..

i have said this before and i will say this again..
you'll never understand anything..
because all you care is about what is going on your side..
you never bother listen to me...