you know those times.....

...................................

you know those times when you just want to talk to that person but you cant...
because you are held back by what you are feeling...
by what you know..
by what you are overthinking..
by many other nonsensical thoughts...


you know those times when you are so confused about everything around you..
the mixed messages that you are getting..
the way you interpret things..
the way of life that you have to live..
the expectation you have to meet..
the people that you have to obey..


you know those times when you feel like crying but you cant..
becoz you promised yourself not too..
you want to tell someone how you really feel..
but no one willing to listen..
When you spent all your life listening to people..
and now you are still left alone....


you know those times when you want to tell her how you feel..
You can't do it.. why?
Becoz you just met her recently..

you know those times when you know don't what is wrong or right..
when you are always carrying a little mental guide book..
to make sure you don't sway to the worng side..

you know those times when you should be happy and made new friends..
but somehow you are lost..
Hard to fit into the way things are already..
still new to alot of things..
Wanting to explore but also reserbed at the same time...

.....................................

And today is one of those times..
Serioously, I don't know what's wrong with me..

The worst part is being busy is like my kind of drug..
Or thinking of a way out is also another drug..

Until today, i still ask myself why?
Did I really lost myself when I came here?
Or did I lost it a long time ago as a naive teenage?
Or am I just crying out help to an empty tub?

So what's wrong with me?
sigh!!!! and its always revolving around the same issues I have tried to overcome..