Memories

So far only a number of people know that is going on.
I only have to say that I’m ding alright. So don’t worry.
It’s not like it is the first thing that I have just experienced *SIGH!!!!*
I’m doing alright and no biggy. If you are worrying about me, then don’t be; it will only make you feel old. Hehehe!!!!

So far:
I’m on my break before my exams. I have 2 exams only but pressure is everywhere. I seriously hate exam period because of the pressures I get directly and indirectly. At the same time, I also like that feeling. For some reason, it feel like a drug *SHOCKED* Just kidding.
Seriously, that kind of rush really digs me in. I sound like a psychopath now. It is something I cannot explain. There are only a few things that can give me that kind of addictive rush. *SMILE* the best example is when I’m see people drum or when I’m on a drum-kit and playing.
Sometimes I feel different from everyone else but I feel the same at the same time too.
Same in a way that I also feel pain; heart been broken; thought of killing myself; thought of slapping someone back to reality and etc.

The other thing is I hate people who want to be different for the sake of being different that is totally useless e.g. being a goth/emo. I don’t mind people dressing up with black clothes and stuff. I personally think it is cool but do dwell yourself in self-pity/selfish. The thing I hate the most is surround oneself with whatever that is bad.
I feel like slapping the crap out of that person and say ‘STOP LIVING IN THAT STUPID BOX!!!!!’
Cause seriously, why be sad all the time when you can see sadness everywhere.
Bring light to the world. It just a matter of perception of the mind and where you want to focus it on. I know sometimes it’s really hard to overcome certain things but still don’t whine about that thing all the time.

But I cannot deny that I was once that and been there recently.
The worst part during that stage was not blame myself and always assume everything is about her; in other words is letting her go and cherish on the memorise we had. Well, for starters, I was too emotionally attached to her and to end it, took a deal out of me from emotional to psychological side of things.
Ok! To further explain this, let’s say you really like a person. It was during the time when prom is just round the corner. You know you can’t dance with that person because he/she was already asked by somebody else. But then, during the rehearsal for the dance at your prom, you were able to just once to practise with he/she. How do you think you would feel?

I still remember that day clearly. It was the best day ever. Let’s say it is not dance and that it is something you love to do and that person happens to partner with you. So how?
Best part of it all is when I was able to just set her free. I felt so happy/free. Like a burden is lifted. I was just sad that I had to gone through it and learn something. Up till now, my parents still don’t understand. My youngest aunt and uncle was probably the only one who understood how I felt. I remember talking to her about it and she said this phrase ‘It felt like an unfinished chapter, doesn’t it?’. I seriously wanted to cry but I didn’t because I told myself I’m recovering and I need to stop crying. It was so true.
During that time, my parents were still drawing what happened last year that I failed more than half of my uni subjects. I couldn’t get it any uni at that time. Those feelings were still raw and sore. Parents added salts and vinegar on it. I was so full of anger and hatred that I wanted to scream at their faces. I could picture that in my mind every time I saw them. The level of hatred was probably off the sin chart. HAHAHAHA!!! The worst part was that I was still blaming myself for some stuff.
Well, I don’t want to blabber about it any longer because it’s the past and a lesson that I have learnt/ or more to learn from.
Take care all =)

PS: My friend is going to France. Does that mean that she has to eat French loaves every day? HAHAHA... Any idea was she can cook? Ideas people? besides nasi goreng or mee goreng. HAHA.