Journey

Taylor Swift – You Belong With Me

I can’t understand is why am I so attached to this song and I have this sense/rush of uneasiness. It is not uneasiness; it is something else. I’m listening to it over and over it again while typing this up. I really don’t know but I just feel so sad. I think this year is not an easy one.

The truth is I don’t know what I want anymore. I used to know but I just lost it now. It’s not like one day I wake up and just feel so hopeless. I still have hope and faith in God. I just don’t have any aim or goal. Feeling insecure is not the exact word. Depression is too far out.

As I keep watching the video, I realised that most of my life. I have only lived on what my parents expect of me and what everyone else expects. I never got a chance to set any expectations for myself like my own aim goal. Maybe I did but I think it was too high for me when I was young. Setting your own expectations gives you a chance to learn about yourself and mould a self-identity that suits you. I know people will advise me to leave it to God but some problems you have to overcome yourself. It also says in the Bible that God doesn’t give you trial and tribulation that you cannot overcome.

I think part of my feeling is anger that comes from my own hatred at myself and my parents/generally everyone. Seriously, I don’t know what I’m feeling, I don’t know why, and most of all, I’m not sure who I am anymore. This is something that I myself can only solve it.

So I guess this is the year where I get to find myself again and increase what is lacking in me.