< This post is few hours late, just so you know!!!>
It’s 12 ish and it’s gonna be 1am.. I’m listening to my music.. I’m feeling really sad , tired, and abit not right because of a girl.. If you have been my friend for long enough, girls are always or sometimes always my main problem.. Hahaha.. That’s really lame but that’s how it is for me especially.. It’s always a NEVER-ENDING BATTLE of knowing when to draw the line.. And now, I like this chick which I think that she is a very awesome girl... She is not ‘quite an awesome girl’ or ‘not bad’ but she is a very awesome girl.. She is probably the best girl that I have ever liked before.. That’s sounds really gay and quite controversial..
She has the same initial as me ,JL. I’m not gonna say her name unless you personally ask me in msn.. Because it’s legally not right to use people’s name without their consent.. Hahaha.. Cut the crap! She is a funny girl and I think she’s somehow still finding her way through some stuff.. My guess is that she is probably still hurt from her first love. Maybe I’m just thinking too much or miss her.. I remember those eyes.. A little brownish.. Sometimes I dream about her which have not happen even when I was going out with somebody.. It can be quite a terrifying experience...
When I woke up! I was like “What The Hell Was That For!!!”
Yea!!! Sometimes when both of us look at each other, I see that under those lovely body figure , mental intelligence, spontaneousness, pleasant smile, or cute eye, I see and get a sort of feeling she is somewhat lonely. Call me crazy, idiot, freak, asshole, or whatever you can think of. I know what I felt and what I saw in her. Or maybe I’m just paranoid *SIGH*
I think this is how we meet the one that is for us all.. We need to go through some bumps *COUGHS!!! Ex-S* Hahaha.. Then only we meet the one..
That was the side-track. Haha.. The moment I laid my eyes on her and some other girls.. I chose her even though there were girls in the group that I sort of like.. Hahaha.. But in the end, I chose her.. Why? If you want to ask, I don’t know the answer to this MYSTERIOUS HEART of mine that falls for girls that no one expects to have anyone like as in like a bit nerd or weird or crazy like me or just special in their own way.. Hahaha.. But yea.. You see some girls that try to put make –up and make themselves pretty, they are quite empty inside.. Smack me if I’m wrong...
Now, I am listening to Breaking Benjamin-Breath and only that song, which is one of her favourite band according to her best friend which is also my best friend. As I’m listening to this song and blogging, the bridge struck me for some reason really and same goes to the chorus..
The bridge goes – I’m waiting, I’m praying, Realize, Start Hating
The chorus goes – You take the breath right out of me, You left a hole where my heart should be, You gotta fight just to make it through, cause I will be the death of you
I’m waiting and praying for something to happen even though I have already asked her out and she has said no.. She is in a metaphorical way take the breath right out of me, left a hole where my hole should be, and I(my heart) will be the death of you(me).. It didn’t really hurt me much when she said no because i knew the clear reason for it and it was that she didn’t really know me well, you get the story.. We weren’t close enough.. Haha.. There was one point where I realise that nothing will change and I just started hating everything and till the extent of myself.. if you wonder why I didn’t hate her and probably God, because I don’t blame her for anything and God who doesn’t provide pain but only doors of opportunity, and the decision is for us to make.. The next few lines or paragraph is gonna be intense and quite shocking..
The only wish I have now is to dance with her.. Hahaha.. Maybe not that intense.. The reason was that I dance with her once and I felt so freaking happy after such a long time.. If you guys have been there, you would have sworn that I was smiling the whole day.. Even my lil bro says that I was smiling the whole time when I saw her and talk to her in the library.. Hahaha... He was teasing me about it.. After she left, he asked me is she the one you like.. I was like “ermmm, no!”.. He was like DON"T LIE!!! I saw you smiling the whole time when you saw her!”.. So he caught me!!! Hahaha
Seriously, I haven’t miss a day of not thinking about her.. I have to admit that I’m abit obsess with her and abit paranoid.. Hahahaha
When I came back from Malaysia and reach T’sville, I have a friend’s b’day party to go and it’s her 18th.. So it’s a must!!! And she was there!!! Immediately, I felt the same when I last saw her.. My other friend saw me sort of half staring and trying to look away.. And yes, my friend is a girl, hahaha!!! She came over and asked how I was!!! I was yea I’m cool, trying to put a straight face but actually, I’m not and I really wanted to talk to her.. But I can’t and I just felt that it’s best I just left it there for now.. After I saw her in the library, we never talk until now.. I miss her everything about her *SIGH* Guess it would probably be like this for until who knows!!!
The weird thing is that I want to be her friend or both of us just be friend.. Somehow, I’m just not letting myself.. My heart keeps telling me that it’s good where it is or it’s just sending out pain signal if you know what I’m trying to say, if not, then just ignore it.. For example, I was at a friend’s farewell party, she was sitting on a piano which is enough for two person. I was standing beside her and my friend asked me to get a sit. She move aside and invited me to sit.. Guess what I did? If you guess that I rejected her offer then you have just score yourself something... hahahaha.. Then I walk away and was thinking what the hell did you just do... Because I replied no thanks which is quite a mono tone and sort of out of dissatisfaction.. I was like what was that for!!! How stupid can you get!! ! You just officially push yourself further away from her!!! How smart can you get!!! I literally wanted to go somewhere and smack myself nicely.. *SIGH*
So yea.. That’s my blog for the night.. It’s like 2 am now.. And surprisingly I can write a 1200 words for a blog when I struggle to write for my assignment.. Hahaha.. Anyways, I gotta sleep.. Sorry btw, for the EMO blog.. It would be so funny if she come across to this blog.. Hahaha J
Peacez
-J’son-
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